i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
