I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
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