I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
