When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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