Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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