jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
