Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
