he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
