I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
