sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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