i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize