What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
