Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
