Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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