I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
