Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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