Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
