Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize