im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
