So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
