he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize