so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize