it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
