he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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