My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Mom said you looked used
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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