just come out here and I will go home with you...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
