he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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