You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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