you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
