Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
