Having a random hookup so left but love u
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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