He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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