i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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