I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
