It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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