why didn't you poke me back
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
