Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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