Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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