i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we're making bets on your personal life
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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