I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
