I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
