Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
