Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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