Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
