I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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