The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
