I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
