Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
