you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
