At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
