I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
