do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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