finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
