Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
4 words: hood of his car
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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