Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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