know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
