i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
