Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
