I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wear drunk well.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
