So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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