Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
