Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
