You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dick very happy bro
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
